I’m now a mother of 6, but still remember clearly the day my first baby was born. I was young and scared and clueless. All the books I had read couldn’t prepare me for the moment I became a mother and the unique challenges my daughter would present. Contrary to one book I read, I found out I did have instincts–though I prefer to call it the Holy Spirit to guide me. Here are some of the hardest learned lessons for me:
80% of women deliver between 40 and 41 weeks. Only 10% of women deliver before their due date, and another 20% go the second week or are induced for being more than 2 weeks overdue. It’s a great idea to add 1 week to the due date the doctor gives you and tell that date to anyone who asks when you are due.
Real Labor can be hard to predict, but most women get a “feeling” when it’s time. I spend weeks and weeks in pre-labor contractions that may or may not dialate my cervix, but eventually stop before the baby is born. Real labor will continue to progress with the contractions getting closer together and more intense as time passes. Practice labor will eventually decline in frequency and intensity. Real labor contractions can be several minutes long, but they may be short and intense instead. Labor contractions can feel like menstural cramps, or bad gas, or even a backache. If you do have back labor, this is a sign that your baby is turned posterior. If you get on all fours and do pelvic rocks, this can encourage your baby to turn the correct way, relieve your back labor, and make for an easier delivery.
Practice labor and other signs (losing your plug, baby dropping, increase in cervical fluid, and pre-labor effacing and dialating) mean very little about when you will actually go into labor. Even if you have none of these signs, labor may still start soon. On the other hand many mamas have walked around for several weeks 4-5 centimeters dialated and 80% effaced.
There will come a point in your labor where the contractions come right on top of each other and you feel that you can’t do it any more. This is called transition and means that you will be ready to push very soon. Instead of giving up, take this point as a triumph that everything is just about over. When pushing starts, your contractions will slow down and feel more manageable. Many women feel more in control at this point. Listen to your midwife or doctor very carefully during pushing. They will guide you in how fast to push and how to work with your body’s natural contractions. If you can stay in control and push the baby out slowly if possible, you may avoid tearing. If your birth assistant is encouraging you to push quickly, there may be a medical reason why–it’s best to listen.
You can buy your pre-pregnancy size in maternity clothes only if you gain no more than 25-30 lbs during your pregnancy. I usually gain 40 lbs (I can’t seem to help it) and have to go up a size. Many non-maternity clothes will work for the full 40 weeks if the fabric is stretchy enough and the cut is right. I love my yoga waist pants and skirt and wear them when pregnant or not. They were the only things I could still wear the last 2 weeks before delivery.
Nursing is natural but it isn’t always easy. Some babies have to be taught to nurse and it can take several days and require professional help to get it done. (Even if you hire help, nursing is less expensive than formula.) Using an orthodontic pacifier can help break a newborn of tongue thrust. It’s best to try to nurse immediately after birth, if everyone’s health permits, because in a few hours baby will become very sleepy. If your newborn is too sleepy to nurse after the initial feeding, it’s okay to let him sleep. After the first 12 hours, it’s a good idea to try harder to wake baby up to eat.
Nursing correctly shouldn’t hurt over the long haul, but a new mama’s nipples can be extremely sore for 2 weeks after delivery whether she nurses correctly or not. Using Lansinoh ointment on the nipples can help through this time, and using it for two weeks before delivery can help prevent the soreness. You want to prepare the nipples by softening and moisturizing them, not by toughening them up. Using a harsh towel to toughen nipples can make them even more sore once baby arrives. If you are so sore that you are tempted to stop nursing, remember–it only lasts 2 weeks!
Most mothers do not automatically lose weight while breastfeeding. Some even gain weight! Nursing streses the body nutritionally even more than pregnancy does and a nursing mother’s apppetite can rival any teenage boy’s. It’s still possible to lose weight while nursing, but you will have to be methodical about it. Eliminate sweets and refined breads from your diet and choose whole grains, fruits, vegetables and lean proteins instead. Count your proteins first, then add your vegetables next. Fill in any remaining calories with unsweetened fruit and whole grains. Drink a ton of water, exercise, and keep taking your prenatal vitamins.
Babies cry for a reason. They do not cry just to manipulate or cause parent’s grief. Sometimes they cry to relieve stress (then it only lasts 5-10 minutes before they go to sleep.) Sometimes they cry because they are hungry, wet, dirty, cold, hot, scared, tired, or have a hair wrapped around their toe or little finger. Babies cry when they have gas, need to burp, or need to potty and would rather not do it in their diaper. When babies cry hard, can’t stand to lay down on their backs, and spit up so hard it hit’s the wall behind you, they may have reflux and require special care. Babies cry when they feel mama’s stress, and in those cases a next door neighbor dropping by to hold baby can make her stop, even though she’s a complete stranger. Babies tend to cry more in the evening, about the time Daddy comes home or it’s time to eat supper. Even the experts are stumped on why. Pretty soon you will start to hear that Baby’s cries sound different and a certain cry means one thing, while another means another thing. If your baby won’t stop crying and you can’t find the reason, call someone for help, or leave baby in her crib for a few minutes while you step away from the situation and get a grip. Once you’ve regained your cool, It might help to strip baby down to her diaper and put her up right inside your shirt skin to skin and walk and bounce.
After the second baby, labor pains can continue for 24-48 hours after delivery. These are called after pains and many first time mamas never feel them. After my second delivery, the unexpected pains were so bad I wondered if there was another baby there. Even though I have natural deliveries, I’m sure to ask for tylenol as soon as the baby is here. I’ve heard the pains subside for the 7th baby and on, but I don’t have personal experience with that yet. Anyone want to chime in that has 7 or more children?
If your baby cries constantly in the rear facing bucket carseat, it may be that there is insufficient padding in the bottom portion of the seat. In seats priced up to $100, there is usually a 1/4 inch thick back pad and nothing on the seat. $200 seats have very plush padding, which makes me think that it is safe to do so–but companies try to save money by not adding it. If you remove your cover, you can see what kind of padding is there or not there. I was shocked at all the holes, poky things and hard plastic just under the thin carseat cover. No wonder baby cries! I purchased 1/4 inch high density foam from my local hobby store and finished padding the seat out, snipping the foam to allow the straps to go through. It only took 5 minutes and the cover still fits great.
It’s best to rest as much as possible for the first week. And good not to go out with baby for the first 2-4 weeks even if you feel great. If you have visitors during those first two weeks, wear pajamas, try not to look too perky and don’t wait on them for drinks or food. Accept offers of help and if you can afford it, hire someone to clean while you recover. I once went to Wal-mart when my oldest was 5 days old. I felt great while I was home, but had trouble walking through the store and started bleeding heavily. Once I arrived back home, I had large blood clots and my recovery was held up for several days longer than necessary. After my third baby I went to a special church service when she was a week old. A well meaning person said, “Wow! A tiny baby and already pregnant again!” How RUDE. I gave her a weird look and said, “Um, she’s a week old!” I’ve learned to enjoy the quiet time at home while both baby and I recover. Life will get busy enough soon enough.
It may be an exciting day when baby sleeps through the night the first time, but if you have been infertile since his birth due to breastfeeding, the overnight without nursing may cause your fertility to return. It is possible to become pregnant right away without having a period to warn you. Going all night without nursing may also cause your milk supply to dwindle, so be sure to watch for signs that baby is getting enough to eat.
That’s all I can remember right now. What do you wish you had known?
I wish I had known with my first how quickly the time would actually fly by. She had colic and I remember wishing so much that she would just sleep! Now that she’s 10 1/2 I’d take that time back in a heartbeat – crying or not. I also would have looked to alternative methods to ease the colic – I was so afraid of listening to my own instincts that I ran to the pediatrician with every little thing. That first baby starts the learning curve I guess – I was much more laid back with my next two and they were much more laid back babies as well! Congratulations on your new addition!!!
Wow! Thanks for this. I don’t know anything about babies, and although I figured I’d be the last of my friends to have one, it’s looking more and more like I’ll be the first. God has definately changed my heart in that aspect. But thanks for this. I never knew that you became infertile while you breast fed. Our bodies are like a masterpiece in their inner workings.
I just had my first baby at 36 and I wish I had known how overwhelming that first week could be! I was so uncomfortable afterward and normally if I’d go through something so physical I’d be able to rest and begin to feel better. There is NO resting after baby. Nursing baby round the clock, constant visitors in addition to the normal “highs” led me to just getting two hours total a night. And that sleep deprivation built up and was just terrible! We’d have a quiet house, baby was sleeping and I’d lay awake not being able to rest at all! It was such an exciting time I just couldn’t relax. It was the best time and the hardest time. But… after about day five, it did start getting easier. Thankfully!
Congratulations, on your new little one!! So happy for you. Rest well, Mama!
Angela,LOL on the after pains.It definitely feels worse than labor to me.I still had them with my 7th,I don’t really know with my 8th.,as it was an emergency c-section and our little guy was stillborn so I don’t remember much beyond that.Our ninth was also a repeat c-sec. and I did have after pains with him.I am like you,I immediately call for the 800 miligram motrin.HAH!!! Head it off at the pass.If the Lord gives us a 10th,I’ll get back to you on the results.Lovin our 8 blessings here and lookin forward to meetin our babe in Heave.All because of Jesus,muffy.
I actually had those after birth pains that you’re talking about…..with my first child. I had an epidural, so I didn’t feel that much pain before her birth…..so, those pains were SHOCKING to me. At one point, I actually thought I was dying. I told Barry to take care of Annie. LOL 🙂 Now I know to look for them next time. Thanks! I wish someone had told me earlier.
Oh, and baby books are dumb. Trust your instincts, not a book.
Oh yes..the rest part for sure..I never did with my 6..in fact with my second I went shopping that same day with him to buy blue clothes…silly me…but I nearly lost my twins from rsv bronchiolitis…it is a terrible illness in babies…both of them needing life support for 2 weeks…in others…even toddlers it only presents as a cold…it is now strongly linked to long term asthma…my last 4 children got rsv before 6 months and they all have suffered long term effects from it..so…if visitors come over, make them wash their hands before they touch your baby…no kissing baby on the face and keep sick people away from your baby full stop!..try and avoid shopping centres those first 6 months with your baby too…those places are full of germs….
Thank you for your post! I am soon to become a 1st time mom (currently at 38wks) and it is so encouraging and informative to hear your thoughts on what you wish you had known. It is especially encouraging to hear since my mom and all other family are a good 9 hrs away from me and my husband. Thank you!
Angela, I’ve had 3 babies and never known or heard of some of this stuff. Boy do I wish I would’ve known! Thank you! I’m going to print this out and put it in my Home Management Binder for future reference. Seeing the pics of your newborn makes the Mama in me pine for another one….you’d think I’d be satisfied after three babies, wouldn’t you?
Amy, I know how you feel. I think I will never be ready to say I’m done having children. I hope the grandchildren come before my nest is empty. There’s something precious about having children around.
The after pains for me were very intense with my sixth child, very mild after my 7th, and non-existant for my 8th. I was very thankful for that!
I just had my second little one and learn new things each time. I wish I had known that you have more of a say in the decisions made while you’re in the hospital. For instance, you can bring your own clothes for you and baby to wear instead of hospital gowns and the oversized infant shirts they put on your baby. I also learned that you must be abnoxiously vocal about your needs and medical conditions until you are certain the doctors/nursed take you seriously. I had supine hypotensive syndrome while pregnant with my second causing me to faint while lying flat or reclined on my back. The nurses and anesthesiologist didn’t take me seriously when I told them I couldn’t lay on my back after getting my epidural and my blood pressure plummeted, I became dizzy, nauseous, and nearly passed out causing my husband unnecessary concern and me a great deal of discomfort which could have been avoided had we been more insistent or had the anesthesiologist listened to me.
I wish I would have knew about a midwife during My 1st but happy to have discovered her for my 3rd..4th..5th..6th.. 7 & 8 were doc delivered but choosen based on a natural delivery mental way of practice.
My advice to new moms would be for them to understand each and every birth is different and no 2 persons feel pain the same so plan your birth for whats best for you, that its ok to be in pain its normal and so worth it once you see your new baby all the pain wont seem so bad (but just before babys out the pain will be emense- know you are ok you will be ok lol I wish somebody would have told me it was normal I was so young I thought I was dying! I made my very old OBGYN so afraid he actually nicked my buttocks so with my first I had a total of 96 stitches inside and out my cervics snapped like a rubber band (the 6 were on my left cheek lol) wasnt so funny then but looking back it was something! and as I said all are different well my 2nd I had just 3 stitches and by My 3rd none! but during my 4th I had a pancreas attack delivered 8wks early due to a blood clot- 5th he managed to tie his cord into a double knot but arrived healthy just speedy! My 6th I hemmoraged after delivery for 20 minutes I prayed. My 7th came easy without hitch and as did number 8 but months after delivery I started feeling icky tired and well just not my energetic self, I ended up on life support for 10 days double phenmonia and infection in my heart.. xrays discovered was enlarged- apparently my heart never shrunk back after my silas was born 9/19/09 on 5/13/10 I was told I had PPCM please visit amothersheart.org for more info- usually it hits first time moms but it also can effect moms with large families that deliver close together in dates and it can come on during or up to 10 mos after delivery- there is no cure but with proper care and prayer lots of prayers you can live- most need a heart transplant- ive been on the list and thankfully my heart function improved enought to be removed least for now.
So finally I wish I understood back in 1995 when I was pregnant with My 1st son Angel, Just how very short life is and how important it is to cherish and love and forget the little nags in life because life is just to short and you better grab ahole of all the good it has to offer because you just never know when it’ll be over..
I have been pregnant 9 times (gave birth to 7, 2 miscarraiges) The pain got worse with me with each delivery. 10 days after my 3rd was born my husband called EMS to come b/c I was having such severe pain. The ER said I had a bruised Urethra, but I have had similiar pains after the 4th, 5th, 6th and 7th and I think it is actually uterus spasms. Fortunately I stayed ontop of the pain by taking the motrin and tylenol even before I felt any pain. Tylenol 3 (codine) was the olny thing that worked for my pain even though I had no pains meds with any of my labors.
Angela, glad to hear that Grant made it hear despite all what happened. God opened a door of ministry to you so you can share with and relate to other women who have had similiar struggles. No such thing as a perfect labor….Just a perfect God!
Joanna <