Grocery Shrink

Have you ever thought about how baby animals are born essentially knowing everything they need for survival, while baby humans are completely dependent?  Many babies even lack the skills they need to eat!  As a first time mom, I was shocked how much I needed to teach my child.  How to eat was just the beginning.  Anything I wanted her to do, I had to show her.

Imagine you are hired for a new job.  You are so excited to start work that first day, but are a little confused when there is no job training session.  Your boss puts you in a room, shuts the door and expects you to work.  When he comes back, he is displeased with your performance and shows you everything you’ve done wrong.  Humiliated and frustrated you try again the second half of the day.  You manage to remember to correct some of your earlier mistakes, and make a whole set of new ones.  Day in and day out you go on expected to perform and are punished and humiliated when you fail.  Since you don’t know the expectations ahead of time most of the day you feel like a failure.

I wouldn’t last long at a job like that.  I much prefer to be trained thoroughly in advance so that only minor corrections are needed later.  As I thought about it, I realized I had been treating my children like the boss that didn’t train.  We’d go to the grocery store and the kids would walk in a pack, blocking aisles, hiding in clothes racks, playing tag and getting in people’s way.  It was embarassing and I was frustrated with them.  They weren’t born with essential social skills, but I expected them just to “know” them. 

Finally after an especially bad trip, I took them home and we practiced shopping there.  We learned how to walk in a line and respond to simple commands such as “single file” and “cover down.”  I also talked to them about what might happen if they play tag and break something or knock an old person down.  The children proved that they were pretty smart when it was brought to their attention.   We trained in this fashion pretty frequently for a few weeks and we talked about what I expected all the way to the store.    It was almost fun to take them all out and about and show off their new skills!

Shopping practice worked so well that we practiced other things too, like how to act at a baby shower, a birthday party, a wedding and a funeral.  No more was I embarrassed that my child thought she should help the guest of honor unwrap all the presents!  And my children were relieved too.  It was comforting to them to know what behavior was expected and that they would not be in big trouble when they got home.

Practicing life isn’t hard.  Simply set up a mock situation at home, practice the important behaviors you want them to know (like how to open a gift and say something truthfully nice no matter what it is.)  Then on the way to the actual event, talk about what you practiced so they won’t forget.

As part of a preferred blogger with Booksneeze.com, I received a complementary copy of Couples Who Pray: The Most Intimate Act Between a Man and Woman to review here.

I chose this book, because though Darren and I have strong individual prayer lives, and pray nightly with our children, we rarely pray just he and I together.  It is hard for me, because it feels so personal.  I know it’s strange.  How can I have 6 children with someone and still find it hard to pray with he and I alone?  I can’t explain it, but I’m ready to fix it.

The book is written by husband and wife team, Squire Rushnell and Louise Duart, both on their second marriage and determined to remedy the mistakes that made their first marriages fail.  The text of the book is 164 pages with an additional appendixes of questionnaires taking the book to 200 pages.  It includes 3 sections:  Major benefits of Couples Praying Together; Taking the 40 Day Prayer Challenge; and Factors During Your Forty Days.  Inside these 3 sections are 10 chapters:  1.  Naked Truth:  Marriage’s Most Intimate Act 2.  Prayer and Communication 3.  The 40 Day Prayer Challenge 4.  How do you do it? 5.  The remarkable power of prayer 6.  The Devil is the real enemy of your marriage 7.  Forgiveness Power 8.  Prayer and Money 9.  Six steps to a happy marriage and 10.  Outcomes

I’ve been impressed with what I’ve read so far.  It’s  full of encouraging stories of what has happened to couples who accepted the 40 day prayer challenge.  Many of the couples are celebrities, such as Denzel Washington, and it was refreshing to read about their faith. The stories are engaging to read and motivate me to push through the uncomfortable feelings to strengthen my marriage and family.

I like that there is a companion web page to the book to help you track and journal what happens when you pray.  There is a before and after questionnaire that shows the contrast in your relationship after 40 days of prayer which can be filled out in the back of the book or online.

I recommend taking turns reading a page of the book aloud with your spouse, right before your prayer time together.  Praying with my husband is getting easier, but if I skip one day, it’s easy to skip another and another until I’ve blown it. We are gearing up to start our 40 days again.

Thursday I promised to tell you a simple secret that I believe prevented my brother and I from rebelling as teenagers.

From the time when I was about six my father would have talk time.  After prayers when we were tucked safely in bed, he would come and sit beside me in the dark and talk and listen.  And then move to my brother’s room and do the same.

Sometimes we would talk about what I did during the day, or he would tell me a story from his childhood.  It didn’t really matter what we talked about, just that we talked.  There was 1 rule:  I had to keep my head on the pillow.  No propping up on elbows to visit better.  This was not only a time to build relationships, but to relax and encourage sleep.

Also, I don’t remember ever being chastised during this time (except for reminding me to keep my head on the pillow.)  It was a time that I looked forward to at night.

These things made me content with in my family’s rules as a teenager:

1.  I had a voice and was heard.

2.  I had a close relationship with my parents because we talked.

3.  When I asked for advice, my dad would always reply, “What do you think you should do?”  And after we discussed all the options, he would reply, “Whatever you decide, I know you’ll make the right choice.” And he left me to that choice and the consequences.

4.  My parents had very high values, but not strict rules.  They didn’t require that I dressed vastly different from my peers as long as I was modest.  They told me as a child that I could date when I was 16 and when we learned about courtship when I was 15, they left that decision up to me. 

5.  I felt that they respected my individuality and tried to deal fairly.  If I felt a decision they made was unfair, I could appeal to them to reconsider.  They would hear me out and though it may not change their decision, I felt my views were fairly considered.

I didn’t need to rebel, because I had relationship and acceptance at home with people who valued my intellect and opinions.  And part of that relationship was founded in talk time.

Evening family devotions is one of the most important things a family can do.  I’ll tell you a story that illustrates the importance tomorrow.

Evening devotions doesn’t have to be fancy or require preparation.  It doesn’t have to take a lot of time either.  Sometimes when it’s late our family devotions is just a prayer time.  We take prayer requests and then everyone takes a turn.  On REALLY late nights, we divide the children into Boys and Girls and Darren and I split up to say prayers with one of the groups. 

On an ideal night, we all gather in the living room and find a comfy spot.  We practice the hymn we are learning and then Dad reads a story from Arthur Maxwell’s Bible series.  We love the realistic pictures and the conversational way Maxwell tells the stories.  We finish off the devotion with prayers. 

When we tuck the children into bed, we do something important.  I believe it is the thing that kept my parents and I close through the years, especially the teen years.  And it is my personal belief that a strong connection between parents and children can prevent rebellion in the teen years.  I’ll tell you the secret Saturday.

When I was in college I would stay some weekends with a nearby family who had 3 sweet daughters.  Part of their routine was morning devotions where each child found a quiet corner to curl up in before breakfast to read and pray.  I adopted that habit from that moment until my first child was born when I let sleep deprivation derail my efforts.

The benefits of personal devotion time are many.  I remember feeling a closeness to God and felt like I could ask him anything and He would answer.  I still have many verses memorized just from those daily readings and am able to find things quickly in the scriptures because I spent a lot of time in them.  I think too about the impact of growing up in a home where you saw your mother reading the Bible daily, just for enjoyment!  I want to be a mother like that, and be a good example for the Children.

Personal devotions doesn’t have to be first thing in the morning.  It can happen any time it works out well for your family.  I plan to stick it in when we have been working long and hard at a task and need a break.  I’ll ring a bell to signal the children to grab their scriptures and find a comfy placethat’s private.  The non-readers can look at the Bible in pictures for little eyes.  To help us stick with it, it won’t be a long time, about 5-10 minutes. 

Have you sucessfully impleneted personal devotion time for you and your children?  What works for you?